Advertisement

Ari's Movie Review

Blog > The Hammer and Nigel Show > Ari's Movie Review > Early Contender for Worst Movie of 2018: A Movie Review

Early Contender for Worst Movie of 2018: A Movie Review

mage via Relativity Media

 

Producer Ari here. It's now 2018 and time for another movie review. This one was a doozy...

 

There I was, enjoying my Sunday evening, when I was suckered into watching a movie that I knew was going to suck.

 

The movie is called “Before I Wake”. It’s a Netflix original movie and for the love of God, do not watch it. 

 

I love my girlfriend, but as soon as she showed me the trailer for this movie, I knew it wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience. Despite my common sense, I said that I would watch it with her. I proceeded to drink several beers in preparation for the viewing experience. 

 

The concept is simple enough: this little boy has dreams that come to life. 

 

Interesting topic, right? That’s what I thought for a brief moment before the move started. Then my brain started to slowly melt from stupidity.

 

This movie is beyond stupid. It starts off trying to be a horror movie, but then halfway through attempts to make a shift to a psychological think-piece. Problem is that the movie is both not scary and completely brain dead. Had I not been 4 beers deep, I may have attempted to give myself a concussion, so I could have gone to the hospital instead of watching the movie.

 

See, I originally wanted to watch The Shawshank Redemption (the best movie of all time) because my girlfriend had never seen it. As per usual, her cuteness seduced me into watching what she wanted. 

 

We're midway through this movie and I'm already contemplating some excuse I can come up with to stop watching it. I consider attempting to force myself to vomit, but I didn't want to have to clean up the mess. Maybe if I held my breath long enough I would blackout. That plan had a few flaws with it as well. I was trapped.

 

Now, I don’t want to say this was the worst movie of all time, because that wouldn’t be fair. To qualify a movie as the worst movie of all time, you first have to acknowledge that you are in fact watching a movie. I’m not convinced I was. If you told me that a high school kid ate an entire bag of shrooms then proceeded to write and direct a film; this would be the result. It’s boring, the writing is painfully cliche, and the actors look like they are being held hostage.

 

I have become a less intelligent person for having absorbed the content of “Before I Wake.” 

 

If I could recommend one movie to never watch, this would be it.

 

Photo Credit-Michael Gibson Why do I do this to myself? Why do I continually allow my girlfriend to pick out our...
Photo Credit- Kevin Winter/Getty Images Producer Ari here. I've been posting weekly movie reviews for a few months...
Photo Credit-Mark Mainz/Getty Images Producer Ari's Movie Review “Are you here for Star Wars?” I turn my head to...
Photo Credit-Bertrand Guay/Getty Images Producer Ari's Weekly Movie Review I went to go see IT with my girlfriend...
Photo Credit-Neilson Barnard/Getty Images “Alright, Justice League! There’s no way they could screw up this movie...