Simon Pagenaud Will Win The 2017 Grand Prix of Indianapolis
Simon Pagenaud will win the 2017 Grand Prix of Indianapolis.
You heard it here first.
Sources close to Indycar tell @WIBCTraffic that Pagenaud has won every Grand Prix of Indianapolis since 2014. His car is also allegedly “up to snuff,” as his sponsor is some local car dealership that fixes cars or something. Simon is also really good at driving on these “road course” things, and helps out around the house - according to sources.
He seems like a nice man, too. Do you remember the Ricky Bobby movie and the Jean Girard character? He was the french guy that looks a lot like Simon. People make the comparison all the time, and he just rolls with it. Look:
How can you not cheer for this guy?
Now, @WIBCTraffic knows little about “racing” a “car,” because I believe in driving the posted speed limit regardless of circumstance or sport (30 MPH on urban streets - looking at you IMS). I mean, why is the Grand Prix a “road course?” Aren’t all races on a road? People used to drag race up Delaware St. They called it a “track.” I’m mystified. Road course is before you get a waiver in Driver’s Ed. I had to list all the street signs we passed because - in the class part - I told this girl she wouldn’t have rear ended another car if she’d thrown it in reverse. I was like, “9th st, 8th st., 7th, (small town), 6th, Madison, 5th.” I still got the waiver. Kerri didn’t because she almost t-boned an elderly crossing the street. Joe did because he was a football player and a douche. On the last day, the rest of the class went for McDonald’s breakfast. We went to the teacher’s house for chocolate cake and silence. In hindsight, it was kind of nice. Sorry. He was a good man - and more importantly - a good driver. Charlize Theron is smart and funny.
Anyway - in the name of being an individual - I’m instead picking Takuma Sato to win the Grand Prix of Indianapolis, only because his name means “no worries.”
GRAND PRIX PARKING
(Or ladies and gentlemen, stop your engines HAHAHA)
Friday and Saturday:
- Three hour parking on both sides of Main Street between 10th St. and 16th St..
From 6:00 PM Thursday through 8:00 PM Saturday:
- No parking on the South and East sides of any street in this box: 25th Street on the North, Georgetown Road on the East, Lynhurst Drive on the West, and Crawfordsville Road on the South.
- That’s confusing so I made this fancy map. Look:
And there are a bunch of side streets you can’t park on, either, but there’s no mention of parking on somebody’s lawn. You may want to ask first.
- Intersection of 16th and Georgetown
One hour prior to the race:
- Georgetown Rd from 25th down to 16th (along the westside of IMS)
- 16th St. from Olin road to the Crawfordsville Rd. roundabout
Stay tuned for more blog and newsy things on closures, parking, and everything else that is beautiful and gorgeous about May in Indianapolis.
Until then, Be well, drive safe, and make good decisions.
Matthew Bair is an inspiring safe driver and the new voice of Indianapolis traffic. Follow him on Twitter at @WIBCTraffic or his personal account @MattINTraffic. They finally gave him a phone, so call in any tips at (317) 684-8134.