The Breakdown with Brian Baker
Hot New Trend: Sex Robots That Look Like The Neighbor's Wife
(FRED DUFOUR / Contributor/Getty Images)
Ah, the neighbor's wife. You've seen her. You've dreamed of her. You've accidentally yelled her name during a round of bedroom rodeo with your own spouse.
Yes, your fantasies of playing 'fidget the midget in Bridgette' grow a little creepier every single day. You'd love to dance the forbidden polka with the babe next door, but alas, you're overweight, you bear a striking resemblance Buddy Hackett, and you occasionally fail to wipe properly when you're running late for work. Thus, your Dirty Diana who lives in the duplex will not be engaging in gland to gland combat with you anytime soon.
It's never going to happen and yet, you simply cannot resist the urge any longer to challenge your fantasy woman to a 'pants off dance off!' What to do? Why not pound the paternal piston with a custom-built sex robot made in her likeness? That's right, your dream of spelunking the slime cave with the girl next door can become a reality!
Doll-makers 'Silicone Sex World' claim the latest trend in sex robots is dolls that look like their neighbor or their buddy's girlfriend. The disturbing trend is also confirmed by the founder of Sex Doll Official, Jade Stanley.
"In terms of customization, it's anything whatsoever — celebrity, dead spouse or someone you fancy," said Stanley.
"It really does vary, you get people asking for a Kim Kardashian, or a girl next door."
Editor's Note: Thank God they're not asking for dolls that look like the neighbor's pet.
So there you have it, friend! Wonder about squishin’ the gibbly bits with Mrs. Robinson no more! Empty that 401K and treat yourself to a top of the line custom sex robot and get to assaulting that mechanical dream girl with a friendly weapon at once!
Please Note: Check the bylaws of your neighborhood association to ensure that the purchase of a sex doll in the likeness of your neighbor's wife is not forbidden.