Researchers: Support for Sanders Linked to Limited Cognitive Function

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Researchers: Support for Sanders Linked to Limited Cognitive Function

How a 77-year-old socialist with degenerative disc disease became a 2020 favorite among political morons

(Mark Makela / Stringer / Getty Images)

He's old. He's cranky. His posture makes him a shoo-in for the role of "Quasimodo" in Congressional Democrats' springtime production of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."

Yes, and among today's uninformed, delusional and hippest millennials, good old socialist Senator Bernie Sanders is the hottest mover and shaker (likely due to early-onset of Parkinson's disease) in Washington politics! 

But how did a 77-year-old politician who likely smells of mothballs and the pleasing aroma of his own flatulence become a "Teen Beat" idol and adolescent sex-symbol?

New research from the Conservative Republican Alliance for Progress, or "CRAP," points to scientific evidence that the adolescent mind is not fully developed until much later in life. The study further concludes that while test scores and graduation rates indicate that some young people can be considered "reasonably intelligent" by American society's standards, "good judgment" and "common sense," as traditionally defined, are biologically hindered until the average adolescent reaches an age of 25 or later.

Understanding the Limitations of the Adolescent or Progressive Mindset:

Research shows that adult and adolescent brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, known as the brain’s rational part. Unofficially dubbed "Conservative Gray Matter," this is the portion of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Adolescents, however, process information with the emotional part of the brain known as the "Amygdala" or so-called "Progressive Gray Matter."

Studies further demonstrate that while the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing in all adolescents, the rate of development varies greatly. As a result, a slower rate of cognitive development in some individuals hinders their ability to make rational decisions and employ so-called "good judgment" well into adulthood, thus explaining the propensity of those persons to support socialism, progressivism, or other political ideologies that are rooted in excessively childish and unrealistic emotionalism.

It's Getting Worse:

New research indicates that a retarded rate of cognitive development has become an increasingly pervasive phenomenon in the last 20 years. Scientists claim the disturbing trend can be attributed to lack of nutrition in the most critical years of early cognitive development, increased consumption of foods with a high content of GMOs, and the tendancy of several "amygdala dominant" adults to pursue a career in education.

There is Hope:

Teach your children about the MUTLIPLE historic examples of how socialist governments end in failure and result in families being forced to consume their beloved family pets for nourishment. Also, strongly encourage them not to vote like a dumbass in November 2020.

How You Can Help:

Stay tuned to this blog post for more fascinating research and insight into bumbling teen idol, Senator Bernie Sanders. Have a blessed day.

 

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