Creative Writing 101 with Beto O'Rourke: Killing Kids is Fun!


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Creative Writing 101 with Beto O'Rourke: Killing Kids is Fun!

Today's Lesson: "The Joys of Running Over Children with the Family Oldsmobile"

(Zdenek Sasek/Getty Images)

The biggest challenge when pursuing a career in creative writing is finding your 'voice.' 2020 presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke found his voice at the tender age of 15: "Psychopath Who Fantasizes About Killing Children with His Car."

Quality literature on the topic of 'murdering precious little ones before they've reached full sexual maturity' is most difficult to obtain. It's a niche topic, and city libraries - woefully short on taxpayer funding as it is - simply cannot afford to invest in procuring a collection of such material that is sizable enough to satisfy the growing and insatiable demand of the mentally-deranged community.

The result is that degenerates of society, sociopaths, and psychopaths  - many of whom are living on minuscule fixed monthly budgets - return to the same biographies time and again of Edward Gein, Theodore Bundy, and long-time favorite, Jack the Ripper.

Young people, who are constantly seeking to fill their minds with perverse and violent images, suffer the most from this egregious lack of available quality content. Beto O'Rourke experienced this agony first-hand in the 1980s, and little prepubescent Beto decided to take action. 

Regrettably, Mr. O'Rourke's writings were largely hidden from the general public for many years by powerful forces within the publishing community who feared his immense talent. Today, however, thanks to award-winning investigative journalism  - and O'Rourke's refusal to just shut the f**k up and go away - the world is finally getting a glimpse into the mind of this creative genius who was but a mere pup when he penned his now legendary work: "Visions From The Last Crusade," by Psychedelic Warlord, aka Beto O'Rourke, aka Robert Francis O'Rourke.

Enjoy selected highlights and behold the majesty of this murderous masterpiece:

"No longer could this strong desire in my mind be suppressed. Recognizing this fact, my one and only goal in life became the termination of everything that was free and loving. Only I could realize the true value of loving and expression."

"...Then one day, as I was driving home from work, I noticed two children crossing the street. They were happy, happy to be free from their troubles. I knew, however, that this happiness and sense of freedom were much too overwhelming for them. This happiness was mine by right. I had earned it in my dreams. As I neared the young ones, I put all my weight on my right foot, keeping the accelerator pedal on the floor until I heard the crashing of the two children on the hood, and then the sharp cry of pain from one of the two."

"...It was simply ecstasy. As I drove home, I envisioned myself committing more of these "acts of love", and after a while, I had no trouble carrying them out."

Young Beto's writings are simply sumptuous. Do yourself a favor and locate a leather-bound first edition of his early works before greedy collectors manage to snatch them all up.

For a further examination of Beto O'Rourke's most perverse visions - especially the one where he's elected President - click the link below.

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