Dear Liberal Lunatics of Purdue: SHUT UP and Try The New Chick-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit Breakfast Sandwich

Advertisement

Chicks on the Right

Blog > Chicks on the Right > Dear Liberal Lunatics of Purdue: SHUT UP and Try The New Chick-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit Breakfast Sandwich

Dear Liberal Lunatics of Purdue: SHUT UP and Try The New Chick-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit Breakfast Sandwich

Chick-Fil-A is a Company That Models Everything You Pinheads on The Left Purport to Believe. Plus, The Waffle Fries Are Delightful.

(Tibrina Hobson / Contributor/Getty Images)

ATTENTION LIBERAL SNOWFLAKES OF AMERICA: TRIGGER WARNING REGARDING LATEST CHICK-FIL-A CONTROVERSY.

The celebrated mental disorder that is "university liberalism" has reared its ugly head again - this time in Lafayette, Indiana amid a ridiculous controversy over tasty and flavorful chicken.

First, it's important to understand that "University Liberalism" is a highly-valued form of mental derangement that differs greatly from traditional liberalism.  While both forms of the so-called "intelligence abandonment syndrome" are highly contagious and pose a dangerous risk to the future of the Republic, "University Liberalism" is a decidedly exclusive illness of the mind in that a parent enlists the aid of professionals to infect their innocent and trusting child. Do you remember those pre-vaccine chicken pox parties from your youth? It's kind of like that, except it costs the parent an exorbitant amount of money and requires a mutual commitment from parent and child of four to five years on average. 

*Liberal Parents, Please Note: Results vary. Not all children are susceptible to primary methods of scholastic liberal hypnosis. Consumption of vast amounts of CNN and MSNBC may be required to increase your child's odds of achieving full and successful immersion into life-long willful ignorance.

While private and IVY league universities are undoubtedly the undisputed leaders in liberal indoctrination via the guidance of professional educators, misguided and overpaid professors of dumbassery have made tremendous progress at many state universities throughout the country. It's important to note, however, that these state universities - particularly those in flyover country - are not yet fully-isolated and impenetrable liberal bubbles of fantasy. As a result, intelligent and thinking persons who hold fast to a rooted-belief in the ideology of conservatism will occasionally wreak havoc on the misguided plans of progressive morons to transform America into a disastrous bastion of socialist domination.  

That brings us to the gaggle of Purdue University professors who are engaged in a fight to protect their student body from the risk of consuming tasty and flavorful Chick-Fil-A chicken. Yes, Chick-Fil-A: the finest fried poultry in the history of mankind, prepared by the finest fast-food company in all the world. Amen and Amen.

Plans to bring a Chick-fil-A fast-food franchise to the Purdue University campus were called out Monday by deranged liberal faculty members and the student body president, who stated that the university needed to reacclimate itself with the proper way to treat its LGBT students and staff. 

"What gives?" you ask.

Back in 2012, Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy said he was "guilty as charged" for backing anti-same-sex-marriage initiatives. 

"I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, 'We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage,'" Cathy said at the time. "And I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about."

Translation: Dan Cathy is a Christian who believes in traditional marriage as it's defined in the Holy Bible.

As a result of Cathy's beliefs, the LGBTQ community has determined in its infinite wisdom that Chick-Fil-A is essentially Christian chicken! It's the Lord's chicken! It's the chicken of choice for homophobic bigots!

Thus, the mere presence of a Chick-Fil-A franchise on the Purdue University campus is an offense on par with the Holocaust of Europe. That's right; for every tasty morsel of Chick-Fil-A chicken you shove in your mouth, another gay person is forced into a boxcar and shipped off to one of Donald Trump's concentration camps to be gassed. Way to go, hetero-Hitler!

Fortunately, there is a strong and determined handful of liberals and homosexuals with a commitment to pointless activism who are fighting the good fight and demanding the kind of fast-food chicken on college campuses that screams, "equal rights!" when you sink your teeth into it.  

Jo Boileau, Purdue’s University's new student body president is one of those courageously misguided individuals.

“As student body president and as an openly gay student, this is something I’m confronting on a daily basis, in conversations I’m having every single day with students on this campus,” Boileau told a local media outlet.

So Boileau apparently seeks out members of the student body on a daily basis with whom he can engage in deep and meaningful conversations about his sexual orientation. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I don't know why, but I get the sense that Jo's a real kill-joy at campus fraternity parties. 

"Hi, I'm Jo! May I have your verbal consent to enlighten you about the plight of the LGBTQ community while you're engaged in the act of getting falling-down drunk?"

The irony in the fight to prevent sales of "homophobic chicken" on the campus of Purdue University is that Chick-Fil-A is a shining example of some of the very things that the LGBTQ community and far-left progressives purport to desire: equality, tolerance, service to community, and fair pay and benefits for their employees. 

Equality & Tolerance: Remember that campaign to harass and overwhelm Chick-Fil-A drive-thrus and restaurants, as well as demean their employees as punishment for CEO Dan Cathy's comments on same-sex marriage? The idea was to get in line at Chick-Fil-A locations around the country and only order water. That'll show those gay-hating bastards what's up! 

Except things didn't go as well as the angry and emotionally-irrational protesters had hoped. Instead, protesters across the country were met with kindness, courtesy, and a smile by Chick-Fil-A employees when they should have received a long-overdue punch in the nose.

Check Out The Exchange in The Video Below.

Do you think things would have gone that well at Popeyes? Not a chance. That woman was the very definition of tolerance. She's also an example of why I could never work at Chick-Fil-A. I'd have jumped through the driver's side window and started swinging the very moment that nincompoop opened his mouth.

At the time of the controversy, the company posted the following message on their Facebook page: “The Chick-fil-A culture and service tradition in our restaurants is to treat every person with honor, dignity, and respect – regardless of their belief, race, creed, sexual orientation or gender.”

Did you read that? It just screams "gay-hating bigots," doesn't it?

Here's the really embarrassing thing for LGBTQ activists: Chick-Fil-A actually EMPLOYS gay people and (gasp!) regularly promotes them within the organization! Yes, it turns out there are numerous homosexuals who work for Chick-Fil-A because it's a great company that pays their employees well and treats them with the utmost respect.

In a 2016 article with the Huffington Post at the height of the Chick-Fil-A/Dan Cathy controversy, a 23-year-old employee who identified as gay stated that he was "yelled at for being a god-loving, conservative, homophobic Christian while walking some food out to a guest in a mall dining room.”

My goodness. What charming and tolerant words you lefties employ in your battles for equality and respect!

Community Involvement: The company is constantly doing promos within the communities where they operate for various causes, youth teams, etc. While many fast-food companies look for ways to give back, Chick-Fil-A takes it to a whole new level. Wendy's is renowned for engaging with their community on social media and the like, but Chick-Fil-A understands it’s about actually getting in the trenches. 

Remember in 2017 when the lights went out in Georgia - specifically, the Hartsfield-Jackson airport in Atlanta? A major power outage halted flights and stranded tens of thousands of passengers on a Sunday when Chick-Fil-A is traditionally closed. But Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed called the sandwich chain for help, and Chick-Fil-A came to the aid of thousands of hungry and stranded passengers that day.

"The mayor called about 10 p.m. and asked for assistance," Chick-fil-A said in a statement at the time. "We immediately mobilized staff and team members who live and work near the airport, and they are making sandwiches and delivering them to the EOC (emergency operations center)."

The airport posted photos of that hateful bigot, Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy and other officials distributing sandwiches and bottled water to passengers after the airport's power was restored.

By the way, that Sunday in 2017 wasn't the first time Chick-Fil-A offered aid on the sabbath. Orlando-area workers opened kitchens and distributed sandwiches in the wake of the Pulse nightclub shooting. You know, the incident in which a shooter unleashed his hatred by opening fire on innocent and unsuspecting members of homosexual community?

Employee Pay and Benefits: Chick-Fil-A provides its employees with some of the highest pay and the most comprehensive benefits package in the industry. 

Chick-fil-A’s 401(k) plan ranks first among companies in the accommodations and food services industry, according to a June 2019 analysis conducted by Money. A Chick-fil-A employee’s average 401(k) balance was $158,188, the analysis found, which was more than triple the industry average of $47,788. All eligible, full-time Chick-fil-A employees can enroll in the 401(k), and the company matches up to 5%.

The average pay for new employees is over $9.00 per hour, which is well above the industry standard, and some locations in larger cities offer new employees as much as $16.00 per hour or higher. Eric Mason, a Sacramento, Calif., Chick-fil-A owner, gained national attention in 2018 when he raised his employees’ hourly wage to $17 per hour. His employees, who were previously making $12 to $13 per hour, got a sizable raise. 

At a time when fast-food employees are attempting to unionize and petitioning the government to hike the federal minimum wage to $15.00 per hour, Chick-Fil-A is already an industry leader who takes care of their people and voluntarily pays them a so-called "living wage." 

Yeah, but Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy personally opposes same-sex marriage! Therefore, whenever you eat a Chick-Fil-A sandwich, you're endorsing bigotry and homophobia. You're showing the world that your deep and abiding love for tasty chicken trumps the increasingly delicate emotions of the LGTBQ community. You're a bigot! You're a hater! Shame on you! Also, have you tried the waffle fries?

Look, I believe in equality for the LGBTQ community and I love my gay friends and family. My brother is gay, I love him with all my heart, and I'll proudly stand beside him and fight for the rights and privileges afforded to him and all Americans equally under the U.S. Constitution.

I personally think the government should get out of the marriage business entirely, but if a same-sex couple wants to get married, it doesn't infringe on my traditional marriage with my wife in any way. Go for it! And by the way, 9 out of 10 times, same-sex parents are actually doing a better job at raising kids than heterosexual couples are.

That said, Chick-Fil-A is an awesome company with consistently top-level food and service. They're so good at creating the perfect customer experience that I actually feel like a better person after eating there. Seriously, how do they get every order right and manage to usher over 30 cars through their drive-thru in half the time it takes McDonald's to serve two cars who only ordered sodas?

The bottom line is that my heart goes out to the LGBTQ community, but I'm sorry, I'm not giving up Chick-Fil-A. Bigotry never tasted so good!

Ah, but let not your heart be troubled, persons of the LGBTQ persuasion. A bank is on the way which will cater to the "needs" of your community. The Chicks on the Right discussed it on today's show. Click below to check it out.

Chicks on the Right
(Pacifica Press/Getty Images) Everyone loves a comeback - especially when it's a Trump supporter sticking it in...
Chicks on the Right
(Win McNamee/Getty Images) Look out, end of summer blockbusters. There's an all-new artistic visual triumph making...