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Bombshell, actress, and accidental porn queen Pamela Anderson just walked down the aisle for a FIFTH time in Malibu, CA on Monday! She’s getting damn good at it too after all those practice attempts. She even walked in the right direction and everything!

Anderson wed “movie mogul” Jon Peters in a secret ceremony, according to Fox News. 

Peters, 74, is both rich AND arrogant, once declaring himself “The Trump of Hollywood.” His arrogance is somewhat deserved, however. This is the guy who was involved with the making of “Caddyshack, a Star is Born, Flashdance, The Witches of Eastwick, Batman and Batman Returns,” and a ton of other hit movies of the 80s and 90s. 

By the way, you’ll be relieved to know that Pamela Anderson’s son Brandon Thomas Lee is happy about the marriage. 

“I’m incredibly happy for my mom and Jon,” Brandon said in a statement designed to bring attention to his existence and desire to become an actor. “They’ve known each other for over 35 years and I wish them luck in this next chapter of their lives together. I will support the happy couple however I can and I’m excited to get to know Jon’s family even better.”

Meanwhile, Jon “Trump of Hollywood” Peters claims Anderson is the only woman he’s had an interest in for nearly four decades. 

Editor’s Note: Of course, he’s slept with thousands of women; he just didn’t like them. There’s a difference, you know?

“Pamela has never seen her full potential as an artist,” said, according to Fox News. “She has yet to shine in a real way. There is much more to her than meets the eye, or I wouldn’t love her so much.”

Peters: “There are beautiful girls everywhere. I could have my pick, but — for 35 years — I’ve only wanted Pamela. She makes me wild — in a good way. She inspires me. I protect her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.”

Anderson made a statement to the press in the form of a poem: “Jon is the original ‘bad boy’ of Hollywood/ no one compares/ I love him deeply like family. His life used to scare me. So much for a girl like me. Now I’ve seen more of life and realize … He’s been there all along. Never failed me/ I’m ready now and he’s ready too/ We understand and respect each other/ We love each other without conditions/ I’m a lucky woman/ Proof God has a plan.”

Editor’s Note: And this is proof that plans 1-4 weren’t all that well thought out.

The Chicks on the Right discussed Pam’s new hubby on today’s Speedround. Click below to check it out.