Governor Michigan Gretchen Whitmer is a gal who knows a thing or two about the importance of having ‘simply marvelous’ hair. It’s a MUST for professional ladies in the workforce.
Of course, as a member of the political elite, she’s entitled to full and unrestricted access to top-notch hairdressers who will cut, color, and spit-style her dull and uninspiring ‘do’ to perfection!
As for you, lowly reader and peasant, you’ll cut your own hair and like it!
Yes, despite Michigan’s newly-elected but likely not re-elected Governor lifting the state’s stay-at-home order, salons and barbershops are still forced to stay closed. State officials are deeply concerned, apparently, about the risk of catching COVID-19 from hair trimmings.
Fun Fact: Your odds of catching COVID-19 from nasty, three-year-old magazines in the rack of the salon are much greater than the odds of contracting it from sterilized combs and shears.
Needless to say, members of the Safe Salons for Michigan Coalition are frustrated by Governor Whitmer’s decision to crack down on barbershops and salons while rioters burn the state’s cities to the ground and go unpunished.
Shaggy citizens are frustrated too, but Whitmer has little sympathy for them. She did, however, offer some helpful ‘look your best’ tips for the state’s female residents: CUT IT YOURSELF!
When asked Monday about residents traveling to Ohio for hair and spa services, Whitmer told people to “Google how to do a haircut or throw your hair in a ponytail or curl it.”
As you might have guessed, people were a little put-off by her comments.
It took three days, but Whitmer FINALLY apologized Thursday to hairstylists and barbers for her existence. Well, sort of…
In an interview with Mojo in the Morning, Whitmer suggested her remark was an “offhand comment” and not meant as an insult to the profession.
“I didn’t mean to offend people who are in the profession,” Whitmer said. “I think that it’s important, I think that it is licensed for a reason. These are professionals who take it seriously and intimately interact with the public, and that’s why we have to take this very seriously about how we proceed to keep people safe. So if my comment offended anyone, I apologize for that,” she said.
Yeah, that’s not an apology. But don’t fret, Gretchen, we can help.
Proposed revised apology from Gretchen Whitmer, crafted by COTR:
Dear citizens of the state of Michigan:
I recognize that I’m a horrible person who has no right to serve the good people of Michigan as I am woefully unqualified, arrogant, and careless with my words. There is no excuse for my recent comments and the asinine decisions I’ve made as the chief government official in this state.
Further, I consistently demonstrated a level of incompetence in handling matters of state government that put me on the same level as Indiana Governor Eric Holcomb. I’m ashamed and I resign.
Yours Truly,
Former Governor Gretchen Whitmer
See, Gretch? All better!
Mock and Fake Daisy (aka rob Kendall) have more on Gretchen Whitmer’s latest dustup with people of normalcy in the clip below.
https://omny.fm/shows/chicks-on-the-right/gretchen-lectures-women-on-hair
