Indianapolis Mayor Joe Hogsett
Indianapolis Mayor Joe Hogsett Encourages Citizens to Ruin Halloween Safely.(PHOTO: City of Indianapolis with helpful manipulation by Brian Baker)

Mayor Joe Hogsett Lists CDC’s Preferred Methods to Ruin Halloween

Indianapolis Mayor Joe Hogsett warned Thursday against the life-threatening dangers of enjoying Halloween this beautiful pandemic season.

Hogsett stated in an afternoon press conference that while Halloween is not (yet) officially canceled, Indianapolis families should still adhere to the CDC’s recommendations for a safe and… uh… “fun” time with the kids on October 31st.

CDC’s Preferred Methods to Ruin Halloween:

  • Hide Halloween treats in and around your house. Hold a Halloween treat hunt with household members!
  • Hold a virtual Halloween party!
  • Don’t have direct contact with trick-or-treaters who are going door-to-door this year. Instead, put individually-prepared bags of candy in front of your house (because the bowl of candy out front method ALWAYS goes well).
  • Stay home and watch an age-appropriate Halloween-themed movie instead!

Sounds swell! Please, I’ve had more fun at my dentist.

Additional CDC Safety Tips:

  • A costume mask is not a substitute for a cloth mask.
  • Do NOT wear a costume mask over a cloth mask. It can make breathing more difficult.
  • Masks should NOT be worn by children under the age of 2 or anyone who has trouble breathing.

Residents may also wish to avoid the Indianapolis Canal Walk and the downtown area in order to minimize inadvertently being stabbed or shot – at least until Hogsett is out of office.

You know what? Let’s just skip the CDC’s recommended Halloween festivities and go toilet-paper Mayor Joe Hogsett’s house instead.

But first, listen to the following segment from Rob Kendall and Indy Politic’s Abdul-Hakim Shabazz.

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