A thermostat busted. A studio that’s like a sweltering jungle in Vietnam. A radio duo that refuses to fess up.
Police say someone willfully destroyed a 20-year-old thermostat in the WIBC on-air studio last weekend, forcing local broadcasters to sweat and suffer in sauna-like conditions.
For one local broadcaster, it’s just the latest in a surging number of vicious crimes that are taking place amid a lack of decisive leadership under Indianapolis Mayor Joe Hogsett.
“Our mayor is a disgrace and should be recalled immediately for allowing this to occur on his watch,” railed WIBC host Tony Katz. “I do 23 hours of radio per day from this place and now I’m dealing with swamp butt! You think it’s easy being brilliant with swamp butt?”
Others, however, are taking the incident in stride. Chicks on the Right producer Rob Kendall is hoping the unlivable conditions will result in one of the full-time hosts suffering a fatal heatstroke, paving the way for him to finally get his daily own show.
“Just give me a damn show already!” said Kendall. “Put me on at 3 am and pay me in leftover T-shirts from the Jeff Pigeon Show if you have to. Just do it already!”
Meanwhile, WIBC hosts Jason Hammer and his frequently absent side-kick Nigel are leveraging the sweltering in-studio conditions to justify the consumption of more icy-cold beer during their afternoon show.
“Hey, if this means I get to do the show in the nude while sipping a brewski, I’m all good,” said Hammer. “By the way, has anyone seen Nigel?”
Police have few leads but say they’re working on the assumption that the destruction of the thermostat was an inside job.
“It wasn’t us!” screamed Chicks on the Right’s Mock and Daisy when confronted. “The fact that we prefer the studio to be a comfortable 106 degrees Fahrenheit during our show doesn’t mean we’re thermostat vandals! We’re innocent!” they added while simultaneously exhibiting body language that typically signals that a person isn’t being truthful.
Police are asking anyone with information to narc on the culprits by calling 317-239-9393.
https://omny.fm/shows/chicks-on-the-right/thermostat-culprit-sought
