Ari's Movie Review
Tom Cruise Running Away From A Hot Lady- A Movie Review
Photo Credit-Brendon Thorne/Getty Images
The first installment of Hammer and Nigel Show Producer Ari's weekly movie reviews. Each week, Ari checks out a movie and gives his honest criticism and review. Some movies are good. Some movies are bad. All reviews are honest.
I remember being like 12 when the first Mummy movie came out with Brendan Frazier, so I was pretty amped when I heard they were doing a re-make.
Movie starts and I instantly get the feeling that this thing is going to be trash. First of all, the Mummy, the horrifying, blood thirsty monster that everyone is supposed to fear is now a hot 24 year old girl. Like, seriously? What the hell? I’m just trying to be logical here, but if a half-naked, attractive lady was chasing after me, I probably wouldn’t run away. Check out a pic of her.
So the sexy mummy is raised from the dead and of course Tom Cruise is the only guy who can stop her. In the movie he plays like some archeologist, but he always carries around a gun because that seems like a practical tool one in that profession would use. So he gets sucked into this mumbo-jumbo because for some reason the sexy mummy has got the hots for him and wants to make him like her man-slave or something (full disclosure I got up to make a quesadilla at one point and may have missed something).
Anyways, Tom Cruise and sexy mummy meet up. They fight for a few minutes before he captures her and transfers her to Russell Crowe, who must have really needed a paycheck because I have no idea how they sucked him into this mess of a movie.
Russell Crowe turns out to be Dr. Jekyll, the scientist who transforms in the murderous Mr. Hyde. Side note: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is one of my favorite books, so now I’m thinking this movie may have a chance to redeem itself, but of course they totally manage to botch it by making Mr. Hyde have some weird cartoony accent and be completely unimposing. Tom Cruise manages to knock him out in 60 seconds using a glass vase or something dumb like that.
So after all that nonsense, the sexy mummy inevitably escapes and goes on the rampage. Tom Cruise chases her, and they wind up in some old hidden mummy tomb under London (yea I know that doesn’t make sense) where they have a final battle. I clearly wasn’t paying attention well enough in this movie, because next thing I know, Tom Cruise has transformed into some mummy-demon hybrid creature and kills the sexy mummy.
I’m about ready to break my TV, but thankfully the movie ends and mummy-demon Tom Cruise runs off into the desert and Russell Crowe is tasked with chasing him down in the next movie. I laughed pretty hard at that part because I thought it was hilarious that the studio had the idea that anyone would want to see a sequel to this thing.
That's my review for The Mummy. Stay tuned for a new review next week.