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Purchasing a new car is an expensive way to spend those beloved “Biden Bucks” that came courtesy of 2021’s Child Tax Credit – especially with inflation on the rise. That’s why it is absolutely essential to negotiate the best price possible when acquiring a new vehicle for personal use, business use, or the occasional drive-by shooting.

Arrik Schmidt is a fellow who knows the American dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to. And because the majority of Schmidt’s Child Tax Credit funds likely go towards the purchase of crack cocaine, it was necessary for him to offer his preferred new car dealer an alternative means of payment for that sexy Ford Navigator the automotive and crack enthusiast had hoped to take home.

So what did Schmidt offer Elite Auto of Raleigh, North Carolina in exchange for that SUV? Gold? Bitcoin? Sexual favors?

No. Schmidt is neither a collector of alternative currencies nor particularly adept at the ways of the flesh. He is, however, an amateur rapper. Thus, he offered to bust out some rhymes in exchange for that sweet new Navigator on the dealer’s lot.

Heartbreak… Disappointment… Theft of a snack truck…

Mr. Schmidt’s generous offer to Elite Auto was rebuffed by the dealership’s manager who clearly had no appreciation for urban music.

“He asked if he could rap good enough would I give him the Navigator,” manager Stephen Jackson told a local media outlet. “He said, ‘Well let me make some moves tonight, and I’ll be back tomorrow and see what we can do.”

Disillusioned and filled with crushing disappointment, Schmidt returned to his modest dwelling as a broken man.

His dreams were crushed. His hopes were dashed. His aspirations for musical fame and acceptance as a viable member of the neighborhood’s crack cocaine carpool were trampled.

Schmidt closed his weary eyes and fell to sleep with visions of SUVs racing through his head.

Morning came, and with the arrival of the new day came the promise of new options for Schmidt to acquire a suitable vehicle for his daily commute.

Frito-Lay: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One…

Our hero, Schmidt, was still determined to find a new set of wheels, but his tummy was rumbling. Faced with the near-insurmountable challenge of staving off his hunger, Mr. Schmidt headed to Carlie C’s grocery store to rap for some food.

Upon his arrival at Carlie C’s, Schmidt saw a vision from heaven: a Frito-Lay truck with the keys still in it.

“Say,” Schmidt may or may not have thought to himself. “Ain’t nobody in my neighborhood got a snack truck in their garage. I could steal this thing and live off Frito-Lay chips for a week. That would save me money on groceries, which means more dollars for crack!”

So Schmidt got behind the wheel of his dream ride and headed for home.

Sadly, police failed to support Mr. Schmidt in his decision to commit grand theft auto, so the aspiring rapper led them on a high-speed chase for nearly 100 miles.

Delayed, But Not Deterred In His Dreams…

Arrik Schmidt now resides in the Harnett County jail. He plans to continue pursuing his rapping career after he puts his legal troubles behind him.

Hammer and Nigel have more details related to this inspiring American story in the clip below.

https://omny.fm/shows/hammer-and-nigel-show/is-this-anything