In this photo illustration, blood test vials and a syringe are seen in front of a screen that says ''Monkeypox'' (Photo illustration by Nikos Pekiaridis/NurPhoto via Getty Images)
In this photo illustration, blood test vials and a syringe are seen in front of a screen that says ''Monkeypox'' (Photo illustration by Nikos Pekiaridis/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Experts: Variety Is The Key To Keeping Pandemics Fun And Exciting

Americans love having lots of choices. Whether it’s food, the cast of an Oscar-nominated film, marital partners, or gender pronouns, variety is the spice of life, say experts.

President Biden, keenly attuned to the wants and needs of the people who live under the political and economic oppression of his administration, knows this too. And although the wildly popular SARS-CoV-2 is now available in more than a dozen variants (I looked it up), studies have shown that the general population tends to lump all of the virus’ exciting variants into one category: Coronavirus.

Simply put: the bloom is off the rose of Coronavirus. The thrill is gone. It’s time for something new.

Enter Monkeypox…

Monkeypox is the latest pandemic that’s sweeping the nation! So far, there have been more than 6,616 cases detected in the U.S., and hip viral enthusiasts that are in the know say it’s rapidly spreading like wildfire.

The United States population is estimated at 329 million. This means Monkeypox has infected an astonishing 0.002010942% of persons on U.S. soil. Impressive numbers to be sure.

That’s why the Biden administration has chosen to honor this monumental achievement by Monkeypox with an official “public health emergency” declaration.

CDC Director Rochelle Walensky excitedly told fans Thursday that the declaration will provide resources and increase access to care. She also said it will expand the CDC’s ability to share data.

Those with an affinity for the CDC’s spectacular track record of sharing highly-accurate data about the Coronavirus look forward to the agency’s propaganda efforts with Monkeypox.

NPR notes that “most cases in the U.S. are concentrated in the gay and queer community, primarily among men who have sex with men,” so we’re all at great risk of catching this thing.

Vaccine availability is limited at this time too, according to the CDC. The best course of action, therefore, is to vote by mail in the November midterm elections. It’s the only way to keep everyone safe.

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