Hey there, big guy… REALLY big guy! Did you hear the news? Indiana was just ranked the 34th fattest city in America according to WalletHub. 34th!
This is completely unacceptable. In fact, it’s humiliating.
This is Indiana! We’ve got breaded tenderloins everywhere. We’ve got some of the finest beers in America brewed RIGHT HERE in our city. Hoosier chefs are hard at work this very minute in an effort to determine the perfect way to deep-fry an entire salad – lettuce included. How in the hell can we not be in the top 10? We got beat by Myrtle Beach, for crying out loud! Myrtle Beach – a place where people go shirtless all the time.
There are the facts:
- 40 percent of U.S. adults are obese. That a lot of competition. If we’re going to raise Indiana’s ranking over the next 12 months then we’ve got to work together.
- Extra pounds have only inflated the costs of obesity-related medical treatment to approximately $190.2 billion a year. Our government spends that much in an hour. Doctors have luxury car payments to make and your stupid little health-conscious lifestyle is making that difficult. Get to snacking, damn it!
- Holcomb and Hogsett have had Hoosiers locked up at home and glued to the couch for over a year. Fitness centers were closed for months. Why are we not fatter?
Step up your game, fellow Hoosiers. Find a support group if you must, but you get your ass to a drive-thru and start doing your part! Failure is not an option – unless, of course, you’re aiming for heart failure, which is completely within the bounds of acceptability from our perspective.
In the meantime, Hammer and Nigel have put together a compilation of “Great Moments in Fat History” to get you inspired.
Bon Appetit and happy listening!
https://omny.fm/shows/hammer-and-nigel-show/great-moments-in-fat-history
