A crazy woman attempts to assault a McDonald's worker at the drive-thru window.
The effect of fast-food on the human psyche is extraordinary.

Great Moments in McDonald’s Attacks: A Celebration of the American Moron

Richard and Maurice McDonald were the Elon Musks of their day. Together, the brothers created a concept and a company that would impact the entire global population by establishing an incredibly fast and efficient means for hungry families to consume fresh and wholesome empty calories.

Albert Einstein… Thomas Edison… Steve Jobs… Are Dick and Mac McDonald, creators of the “Speedy System,” worthy of inclusion with those names? You bet your ass they are.

McDonald’s was founded in 1940 as a restaurant in San Bernardino, California, America, USA. The brothers knew that had something special, but they could had no idea that one day in the future, the restaurants that bare their family name would be ground zero for drunken a-holes to viciously assault minimum wage employees over a lack of cookies and McNuggets.

Hammer and Nigel salute the McDonald’s brothers for their contribution to humanity – a contribution that laid the foundation for “Great Moments in McDonald’s Attacks.”

The “Gimmie My Cookie, B****” Incident in Parma, Ohio

Background: Daja Tucker, lover of crunchy cookies, struck a McDonald’s worker in Parma, Ohio, and spat at another who had been handing out free food to first responders on duty during the COVID-19 crisis.

Reason for Attack: Absence of Cookie.

The “I Shouldn’t Have to Ask for a Straw, B****” Incident, St. Petersburg, Florida

Background: A man who likes to sip his beverage in the traditional attacked a 20-year-old McDonald’s worker across the counter. That man failed to realize that the employee was a trained boxer.

Reason for Attack: Resentment over “request a straw” policy.

The “I Want My McNuggets, B****” Incident

Background: A lover of deep-friend chicken mashed into unnatural form attacked a McDonald’s worker in Toledo, Ohio because she could not purchase McNuggets until 10:30 am.

Reason for Attack: Failure to satisfy early morning craving for McNuggets.

The “Say ‘Donald Trump’ and Spell Deportation, B****” Incident

Background: A McDonald’s employee in North Carolina demanded a Hispanic customer say ‘Donald Trump,’ spell ‘deportation.’

Reason for Attack: Lack of Satisfaction with Current Border Enforcement.

The “I’ll Give You The Bast of McLead, B****” Incident

Background: An employee at a Southwest Florida McDonald’s pulled a gun on another employee

Reason for Attack: (CENSORED BY MANAGEMENT)

Hammer and Nigel invite you to enjoy the following segment from today’s edition of “Is This Anything” with our compliments… B******.

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