Americans’ have wildly different opinions on a multitude of topics, but on this, we should all agree: President Joe Biden is not with us anymore.
Oh sure, Biden’s body remains animated and warm to the touch. His digestive system continues to process nourishment and expel waste. He is still a clear and present danger to children.
It’s Biden’s mind that’s no longer with us. His mind has ventured on to a “better place.” And by “better place,” we mean a place where Joe Biden isn’t President. The place Christ referred to as “paradise” in the Gospels.
Yes, Joe Biden’s mind is somewhere over the rainbow. And yet, the body that once housed that mind continues to walk among us. Its mouth delivers occasionally-coherent speeches in full view of the media and general public. It all seems so ‘real.’
The Science Behind The Magic of Making Joe Biden Appear Real:
Experts speculate that the people who run Joe Biden utilize a combination of advanced puppetry and audio-animatronics to create the illusion that the President’s body and mind are still fully-functional and running at a semi-optimum level.
This technology was first developed by the Walt Disney company in the early 1960s and is featured prominently at Disney Theme Park attractions like the famed “Tiki Room” and “Hall of Presidents.”
In 2009, Disney created an interactive version of this technology called Autonomatronics, which utilizes hydraulics to operate robotic figures. According to Wikipedia, more sophisticated versions of this animatronic wizardry allow for the inclusion of “cameras and other sensors feeding signals to a high-speed computer which processes the information and makes choices about what to say and do.”
More than likely, it is some variation of this Autonomatronics technology that is employed to operate the likeness of President Biden and make him appear ‘real.’
Impressive? Absolutely. But even the most advanced artificial intelligence is prone to the occasional software glitch or complete systems failure. Insiders speculate that these limitations in technology are to blame for the frequent embarrassing ‘Biden gaffes’ that are as beloved by the general public as they are terrifying.
The most recent ‘Biden glitch’ occurred at last weekend’s White House Correspondents Dinner.
When Biden Bot Goes Rogue: The White House Correspondents Dinner
The radio-controlled likeness of Biden was delivering its pre-programmed speech to a maskless and fully-vaccinated crowd of media and political elites. It was making jokes. It was getting laughs. Everything was going according to plan.
Suddenly, the Biden Bot began to recite various ‘facts’ about its home state of Delaware. And that’s when things went completely awry.
“There have not been many of the senators from Delaware,” the likeness of Biden said. “It’s a small state. As a matter of fact, there has never been one.”
White House robotics engineers quickly rebooted Biden Bots software. The remainder of its speech was delivered without incident.
Hammer and Nigel further examine this latest troubling display of the limitations in the technology that makes Biden work on today’s show.