David Miller, a registered sex offender, was charged in St. Louis County Circuit Court with a misdemeanor count of sexual misconduct.
David Miller, a registered sex offender, was charged in St. Louis County Circuit Court with a misdemeanor count of sexual misconduct.

H&N Pro Tip: Pantless “Self Care” is Important, But Don’t Do It In Public

In this era of stress, uncertainty, and anxiety, it is crucially important that we take time to care for ourselves.

As the great philosopher, Oprah Winfrey once said: “Life is about recalibrating. About continually asking yourself: ‘What do I have to do to get where I need to be?’ ‘How do I create the life I want?'”

Yes, we must all learn to be attentive to our spirit, our bodies, and the voice within the soul that connects with the greater universe.

Amen, Oprah. And Amen again.

And when the voice of the divine within the divinity that is your personal guiding light of inner need says it’s time for a little autonomous lovin’, you best listen up for the sake of inward harmony. But don’t do it in an alley or you’ll wind up in jail.

Case in Point: David Miller, a registered sex offender from Fredericktown, Missouri.

Miller was charged this week after police say someone reported seeing him masturbating in an alley behind a Clayton home.

Miller, who has convictions for rape and sexual misconduct from the 1980s in West Memphis, Arkansas, told police he was masturbating while watching a woman doing yard work (as you do).

“The defendant says he does this all the time and does not believe he did anything wrong,” Clayton officer Ryan Dunn wrote in a probable cause statement.
Now really, when you’re raking leaves or taking a lap on your wide deck John Deere mower, is this the sort of fella you want watching you with his pants down?
David Miller, a registered sex offender, was charged in St. Louis County Circuit Court with a misdemeanor count of sexual misconduct.
“Somethin’ bout the sound of a leaf blower gets me randy as hell!”
Hammer and Nigel ponder the significance of Miller’s story and consider whether “lawn care porn” is a viable industry in today’s edition of “Lewd Nude Dude in the News.”

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