Burgess Meredith in The Twilight Zone

Indiana Scores a “B” On Its Social Distancing Scorecard

“Social Distancing” is the new buzz phrase that we’re already sick of hearing just a few weeks into this damn Coronavirus thing.

How long will social distancing last? We don’t really know because people like Rob Kendall insist on getting out and infecting as many people as possible in an effort to “fight the power” and stand up for his Constitutional rights.

That’s right, Rob Kendall is a patriot and he’ll spread his freedom-loving’ germs on every resident from Brownsburg to Fishers!

Editor’s Note: Carmelites are safe. We don’t allow “his kind” in our round-a-bout wonderland of dreams.

Anyway, Rob’s been drunkenly coughing on women all over town lately as if he’s trying to breed spittle. We’re pretty sure we saw him licking the chips in the 4th floor vending machine at Emmis as well.

So Rob’s not doing a great job with this social distancing thing, but Germsgroup says the city of Indianapolis is doing well overall, scoring a “B” on their official Social Distancing Scoreboard.

Hammer and Fake Nigel break down the details of how cities are graded and why Indianapolis failed to achieve an “A” rating (we’re guessing it was because of Rob).


Screen Capture: GootsyGam/Getty Images


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