It’s the end of an era, Happy Meal lovers of the nation. McDonald’s is prepping to destroy another simple pleasure of childhood with plans to “drastically” reduce plastics in their toys by 2025.
That’s right. All those handsomely crafted $.03 toys of your youth that are currently sitting in landfills from sea to shining sea will soon be the last of their kind. No more fun. No more joy. No more screaming tantrums and death threats to cashiers who failed to give your precious dumpling his toy of preference.
“Collect all four Garfield toys!” said Ronald and his creepy gang of misfits between episodes of “Shirt Tails.”
Well, you tried to collect all four! You made your mother take you there every day for two months! You made an effort! Lord knows if you had only put half that much energy into your college career you might actually have a degree. But guess what? No degree AND you only have three out of four Garfields! They gave you the same damn one 58 days in a row.
Years later, you discover they only made a total of five highly-coveted “Garfield on Scooter” toys for the entire nation. The joke’s on you, Mr. and Mrs. customer! And just wait until you find out how they’ve been screwing you on that Monopoly game for over a decade.
Apologies… This article lost its way and turned autobiographical for a moment.
Anyway, the toys that come in McDonald’s Happy Meals will soon be made mostly from corn and “other materials” rather than high-quality fossil fuel-based plastic.
That’s right. We’re destroying food to make toys that are used to make McDonald’s food more appealing to kids. In other words, the toy in the McDonald’s Happy Meal could potentially have more nutritional value than the actual food.
“Making our toys out of renewable, recycled, or certified materials will result in about a 90% reduction of fossil fuel-based plastic in Happy Meal toys [compared with 2018],” the company said as it unveiled its plan from hell Tuesday.
Why stop there, you tree-hugging hippies? Why don’t you go all the way and make them gender-neutral too?
Horrific Fact: McDonald’s eliminated plastic toys at its restaurants in France earlier this year in favor of paper-based items such as trading cards and coloring patterns. How fun…
In conclusion, McDonald’s hates children now. Enjoy your burger.
Personal Note: I’m looking for the one with the red scooter. I’ll pay top dollar.
Hammer and Nigel have more in today’s edition of “Is This Anything?”
https://omny.fm/shows/hammer-and-nigel-show/is-this-anything-19
