America’s war on statues must stop! Political do-gooders will stop at nothing in their perverse and immoral quest to eliminate quality, hand-crafted, freedom-loving lawn art!
In New York this week, Jamie Gagne, an aspiring artist of erect penile expression, was arrested for installing a 7-foot wooden weiner in his front yard.
Gagne’s statue, which presumably adhered to all applicable HOA regulations, brought joy and pleasure to all whose eyes were blessed by the immensely pleasing sight of his handiwork. And because art is all about giving back, Gagne put up a sign in his yard encouraging fellow lovers of immense penile installations to stop and take pictures with his inspiring work of erotic expression.
Sadly, New York state troopers, clearly intimidated by the size of Gagne’s gargantuan wooden gooseneck, showed up on Thursday of last week and announced that “someone” had complained about his statue.
Gagne was told to take his lawn art down. Gagne refused. Gagne was handcuffed and charged with a public display of offensive sexual material.
Gagne, a true American who is destined to become a modern-day folk hero, temporarily relocated the statue to his backyard before returning it to its original location with a sign reading “Adults Only” spray-painted in red.
“It’s just a giant piece of wood,” Gagne told local media. “You think about going to a park and there’s a statue of a little boy peeing or there’s a marble statue of a bare-breasted woman.”
He says he plans to fight the charge.
“This is a clear First Amendment right. One person is offended versus dozens of people that were complimenting me,” Gagne said.
H&N Ruling: Jamie Gagne is a true American hero.
H&N Official Ruling: Jamie Gagne is a true American hero.