Chanelle Lewis (Pottawatomie County Public Safety Center)
Chanelle Lewis (Pottawatomie County Public Safety Center)

Pro Tip: Don’t Ask Your Wife For A Divorce When She’s Drunk And Has Access To An ATV

First things first, persons of the married persuasion: the rules of marriage explicitly state “in sickness and in health, ’till death do you part.”

There are a bunch of other rules too, but they’re constantly changing in the modern age. Consult your own individual marriage handbook for more details (price and participation may vary).

Sometimes, however, things just aren’t going well for the marriage and it’s time to get out. Hey, it happens. It happens a LOT, actually.

That’s when you have a decision to make: “Should I be a stickler for the rules or get out now while my eggs are still fresh?”

Chanelle Lewis, 35, of Oklahoma, is apparently one of those “rules is rules” types of wives – especially the rule about “till death do you part.” So when her hubby, Christopher Lewis, asked her for a divorce, she did the only sensible thing she could do in order to grant her husband’s request and still be in full marital compliance: she hopped into an ATV and fatally ran him over.

These days, Chanelle Lewis is a widow. She’s also in jail, which makes it extremely difficult to date and find a new fella. Tinder users generally ‘swipe left’ when a potential ‘match’ is incarcerated. Not always, mind you, but usually.

More ‘Fun Facts’ About Newly-Widowed Chanelle Lewis And What Led Up To Her Incarceration Post ATV-Mashing:

  • Chanelle Lewis was drunk when she turned the love of her life into roadkill.
  • Prior to asking for a divorce, Christopher Lewis, now dead, was arguing with Chanelle about one of the most important and consequential issues of our time: food.
  • We don’t know the specific details about the Lewis’ ‘food fight,’ but they apparently failed to reach a compromise despite their vigorous and thoughtful debate.
  • Christopher Lewis asked for a divorce at the conclusion of their discussion. It would seem he was really sticking to his guns on the ‘food’ issue.
  • Following a brief period of deeply contemplative introspection, Chanelle climbed into the family ATV and aimed right at Christopher. End of husband.
  • Chanelle, an ardent believer in the “kill two birds with one stone philosophy,” attempted to run her stepson and his teenage sister over as well. Thankfully, she failed in her endeavor to do so.
  • Chanelle’s stepson allegedly stopped the attack by punching her in the face. According to her mugshot, the punch failed to transform Chanelle’s looks into that of a supermodel.

So Chanelle’s single again, but she’s got some legal matters to clear up at present. Contact the Pottawatomie County Public Safety Center in Oklahoma for adoption inquiries.

Hammer and Nigel will have more exciting details on today’s show!

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