WIBC’s Brian Baker was tragically killed Friday after consuming improperly prepared blowfish at Aqua Magic Discount Sushi in Danville, Indiana.
According to witnesses, Mr. Baker, who arrived pantless and drunk, was observed taunting customers and employees prior to consuming the exotic fish flesh that led to his demise.
“Ain’t never seen nothing like it in my gall dang life,” said raw fish enthusiast Matt Hibbeln. “He plowed the whole thing in his a-hole face and was on the floor in 10 seconds. Sumbitch shat his pants and began convulsing, which kind of put me off my meal.”
First responders arrived within four hours and helped themselves to customers’ leftovers before kicking Mr. Baker a few times to verify he was fully and completely deceased.
Family and friends of Mr. Baker remembered him as an obnoxious drunk who never tired of asking random strangers on the street to pull his finger.
“He was a great big piece of crap,” said Deborah Baker, Brian Baker’s mother. “Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
Burial arrangements are pending. Persons with spacious yards who are looking to make a few extra bucks are encouraged to apply. The family will provide shovels.