Millennials… esteemed generation of American “wokeness.” Their hard work and dedication have created an ideological garden of nourishing concepts to nurture the soul.
They are a generation not of war, but of hugs. They have not been corrupted by the evils of capitalism, gender, or love of country.
No, the millennial understands that there is a better way, and mercifully, they have graciously endeavored to re-educate all of us as they seek to establish a better world for peoplekind everywhere.
One particularly troublesome area of concern to the millennial person relates to the exclusionary cultural traditions of the past. Nowhere is that more readily apparent than in the outdated ritual of the baby shower.
Yes, the patriarchal society of the past dared to exclude the male person from celebrations rooted in the pre-birth of a child. The men of war who stormed Omaha Beach were not permitted to be present at such events. Graciously and mercifully, that exclusionary practice has been banished forevermore. In its place is the “gender reveal party,” a gathering in which all persons are welcome, regardless of genitalia.
“What, pre tell, takes place at a gender reveal party?”
Well, as the “Generation-X” author of this story, I’m not 100% sure. But as best as I can tell, it involved a bunch of giddy women and miserable men getting together to watch blue or pink powder explode from an explosive item of some sort.
In the past, husbands and wives would find out the gender of their baby during an ultrasound, and then they’d let friends and family know whether they were having a boy or a girl.
Millennials don’t do it that way. Instead, women drag their man against his will to a gender reveal party. The man drinks his way through it just to survive, and then the woman nags the man on the ride home by asking, “When are we going to have a baby?”
Sometimes a fella gets lucky, however. Sometimes the gender reveal goes wrong, and the three-hour party of misery provides the attendee approximately 15 seconds of levity.
“Gender Reveal Goes Wrong, Obliterates Man’s Testicles.”
Flare hits dad-to-be in the crotch at a gender reveal party pic.twitter.com/M0FsqgoRa8
— The Sun (@TheSun) September 11, 2020
This video of historical significance brought to you by the Hammer and Nigel Show.