There’s something you should know that may come as a shock. You may not be ready to accept the truth, but you have to hear it so that you can prepare yourself and your family for what’s to come. For your safety, we implore you to sit down before proceeding further. Just remember, we’re on this journey together.
Here it is: If we don’t reverse course by sundown today, humanity will cease to exist in nine years as a result of climate change.
Wait. That’s incorrect. We have 10 years left. 10 years left unless immediately take action to obliterate the global economy, plunge the entire world into poverty, and live in the forests with loincloths covering our naughty bits.
Sorry. That’s incorrect. We’ve now determined that we have 13 years left, but only if we immediately switch the entire nation over to solar panels by the end of the week, train all domestic cattle not to fart, and cease oil production everywhere in the world except Russia, China, and Saudi Arabia.
Update. We just talked to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She’s informed us that we actually only have six years left, although she admitted that she is “not the expert on matters requiring an individual to count above the number five.” But she’s pretty sure we’ve got six years left.
So there it is. Six years to save the planet, according to AOC, by “inventing something right away that does all the same stuff that oil does, but without any of the bad stuff for the environment; rapidly increase the number of undocumented migrants in the United States; institute a carbon tax that corporations can sell to other corporations for a profit that must be used to pay workers a minimum wage of $25 per hour, and eliminate carbon-producing trips to polling places by allowing all people and housepets to vote by issuing a tweet stating which candidate they like best.”
You get the point. Climate alarmists have been predicting the end of the world since the first Earth Day in 1970 – a day that was all about “global cooling” before it became about “global warming.” They’re always wrong, but the drooling masses on the left continue to believe Hollywood celebrities without high school diplomas are climate experts.
Jane Fonda is the latest liberal activist to warn the world that we’re all going to die.
Editor’s Note: Wait. Jane Fonda? We thought she’d passed? Well, bless her heart.
During an appearance on CNN’s “New Day,” Fonda told host Brianna Keilar that she’s calling on Biden to respond to the current construction of the Enbridge Line 3 pipeline.
Fonda cited climate scientists who say fossil fuel emissions have to be cut in half and have advised against the development of any new fossil fuel projects.
“We’re very, very grateful for what he’s been doing. He’s done a lot of very good things. But not enough. Not bold enough. And not fast enough. We’re up against time,” Fonda told Keilar. “The scientists say we have less than nine years to cut our emissions in half. Line 3 is going in the absolute opposite direction, and the news every day is telling us, emissions are going up, not down.”
Let’s pause for a second for some fun facts from The Royal Society, an independent scientific community in the U.K.:
“If emissions of CO2 stopped altogether, it would take many thousands of years for atmospheric CO2 to return to “pre-industrial” levels due to its very slow transfer to the deep ocean and ultimate burial in ocean sediments. Surface temperatures would stay elevated for at least a thousand years, implying a long-term commitment to a warmer planet due to past and current emissions. Sea level would likely continue to rise for many centuries even after temperature stopped increasing [Figure 9]. Significant cooling would be required to reverse the melting of glaciers and the Greenland ice sheet, which formed during past cold climates. The current CO2-induced warming of Earth is therefore essentially irreversible on human timescales.”
But back to Hanoi Jane…
Fonda told CNN that “we have to put our bodies on the line and do whatever we can to get our administration to call a halt to these permits.”
So it looks like Fonda will be taking a private jet to Minnesota and using her body to block construction on the Enbridge Line 3 pipeline. Go get ’em, Jane! By the way, loved you in “On Golden Pond.”
Fonda had no comment on Biden’s decision to waive sanctions against the company overseeing the construction of Russia’s Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline to Germany, but she probably just forgot.
So there you have it, the science is settled: Jane Fonda is still alive even though her complexion has that nice dull and bloodless pale about it. What’s Fonda’s secret? Only her mortician knows for sure.
https://omny.fm/shows/mock-rob/a-legendary-message-from-gilbert-godfried-and-a-tr
