You can only push rational people so far.
Thursday, the Hasbro corporation made the egregious error of sticking its giant, removable, cheap, plastic, made-in-India nose into the great American gender debate by announcing that “MISTER Potato Head has given great consideration to where a spud falls on the XX-XY bell-curve and determined in HIS infinite wisdom that potatoes come in all sorts of hip and trendy genders.”
Just kidding. What Hasbro actually said was WAY more ridiculous and inane.
Hasbro put out a press release stating that they were dropping the MISTER from its potato head packaging in an effort to be “more inclusive” so all could feel “welcome in the Potato Head world.”
Seriously. They said that. They said that on purpose.
No, it’s actually much worse than that.
An ENTIRE TEAM of marketing “geniuses” sat together in a giant, airy, non-corporate-feeling, “All Ideas Welcome – Even If They’re Stupid” room with a ping-pong table, an adult slide, and ergonomic, sustainably-made, bright orange furniture marked “vintage” to let your bum know it’s saving the planet, and they spent HOURS crafting the perfect marketing statement. Then they all patted themselves on the back for a job well done and floated that finely-crafted manifesto into the world where it went over like a wet fart at a funeral.
Major error, Hasbro. Major error.
Americans heard the news about MISTER Potato Head and went absolutely full-on, rabid, drooling, circus-chimp crazy.
Within hours of its initial announcement going public, Hasbro issued a NEW tweet in which it “clarified” that while the brand is changing its packaging, the actual MISTER and MISTRESS Potato Head characters will still live on and be sold in stores.
“While it was announced today that the POTATO HEAD brand name & logo are dropping the ‘MR.’ I am proud to confirm that MR. & MRS. POTATO HEAD aren’t going anywhere and will remain MR. & MRS. POTATO HEAD,” the company tweeted.
Uh-huh. Cut the crap, Hasbro. We all see what’s happening here. You’re not fooling anyone.
We always knew there was a line in the sand for American conservatives, rational people, and basically anyone with a functioning prefrontal cortex. We just didn’t know that MISTER Potato head was that line. Now that it’s been crossed, however, there’s no going back. It’s time to fight.
Do you hear that, progressives? We let you burn down our cities, take away our Twitter accounts, shutdown our pipelines, kill our jobs, ruin the healthcare system, force us to drive Teslas, and buy eco-friendly buses from China that don’t work.
We stayed silent as you made us eat that Beyond Meat crap, live in tiny-houses, wear clothes made of hemp with dyes that are non-toxic, and switch to bidets instead of toilet paper.
We held our tongues as you “canceled” conservatism, called us “racists” for taking a birthday picture in a Sombrero at Chi-Chi’s in 1983, and proudly held “gender reveal” parties while simultaneously shaming our generation for claiming there are only two genders.
We even let you take a man who is clearly suffering from dementia and let him run the country when he’s not mumbling about kids rubbing his legs or taking a nap! THIS after hearing you incessantly whine for four years straight that President Donald Trump wasn’t “mentally fit” to serve as our Commander-in-Chief.
BREAKING NEWS: WE. ARE. DONE.
Come on, you coddled, millennial, multi-gendered, “safe space” dwellers! Let’s see how tough you and your little Twitter army REALLY are!
The battle is on! Choose your weapon…
Welcome back, America.
https://omny.fm/shows/mock-rob/hasbro-drops-the-mister-on-mr-potato-head-only-to
