It’s a common occurrence and one we’ve all experienced…
You’re cutting fresh organic produce on a casual Saturday morning with a knife that hasn’t been sharpened since the Eisenhower administration.
The children – all appropriately dressed in gender-neutral clothing, sporting buzzcuts, and carefully avoiding the use of pronouns to avert another “corrective beating” – are enjoying paleo pancakes with stevia sprinkles and locally-sourced honey.
Suddenly, your four-year-old, Pat, asks why he/she can’t “eat the Mrs. Butterworth syrup anymore?”
Startled by this outburst of overt and hateful rhetoric from your obviously racist pre-schooler, you momentarily lose your bearings and sever a finger.
“Look what you made Mommy do!” you scream at the child whose therapy bills will one day exceed her student loan debt.
You desperately search for a trusty box of Band-Aids to stop the massive amounts of blood that are spurting forth from your four-fingered hand like the famous fountains at Bellagio in Las Vegas.
Now semi-conscious and fading fast, you stagger over to the pantry, grab the first-aid kit, and hopelessly claw at the lid of the box.
“I’ll help you, Mommy,” says Pat. “I still have all my fingers.”
Pat makes quick work of the lid, removes the trusty box of Band-Aids, and begins to adhere a flesh-colored bandage to your gaping wound.
“Wait a minute, Mommy dearest!” Pat suddenly exclaims. “We can’t use Band-Aids anymore. Band-Aids are the color of white people’s flesh. Teacher says that’s white privilege.”
In that blessed moment of clarity, you realize that it’s YOU who is the racist, Mommy – not Pat.
You bleed out moments later.
Pat blames him/herself for your death and places your severed finger in her Build-a-Bear as a reminder that she’s “bad,” but his/her guilt is eased when Daddy arrives home and begins thanking her profusely.
Six months later, Dad marries a supermodel with a hot ass who lets the kids eat whatever the hell they like.
The Johnson & Johnson company – makers of the least-effective Coronavirus vaccine – hears your story and fears a decline in sales that will disproportionately hurt the portfolio values of white, liberal shareholders. They quickly launch “OURTONE,” a racially-diverse line of bandages that are meant to “embrace the beauty of diverse skin tones.”
The mainstream media eats it up, allowing Johnson & Johnson to profit handsomely by exploiting the “We Stand Against Racism” marketing angle.
https://images.app.goo.gl/Vu24TV8pXZ3sYMTM9
Mock & Rob have more details about this important American story in the clip below.
https://omny.fm/shows/mock-rob/hour-3-03-31-21-band-aid-racism-voicemails-and-rob
