Ari's Movie Review

Blog > The Hammer and Nigel Show > Ari's Movie Review > How Transformers 5 Gave Me Brain Damage- A Movie Review

How Transformers 5 Gave Me Brain Damage- A Movie Review

Photo Credit-VCG/Getty Images


I recently had the displeasure of watching Transformers: The Last Knight. I downloaded it like a month ago and was procrastinating for as long as I could to try and avoid watching it. I should have waited longer.

Alright, so this is the 5th Transformers movie. If you’ve never seen a Transformers movie before I’ll give you an accurate recap of the first 4 movies: Robots that are undisguisable from each other, explosions every 20 seconds, an obscene amount of slow motion and a ton of PG-13 swearing.

Now you’re all caught up.

Here’s the deal- I tried typing up a movie review for Transformers 5. I really did. I could probably write a 22-page essay just on all the nonsensical stupid things that occurred during this two and a half hour bucket of slop. As truly mind numbing as the plot and characters of this movie were, I couldn’t even get there because I had a much bigger issue; the way they filmed the movie.

Michael Bay (the director) must have lost his freaking mind because for some reason he filmed the movie using three different types of cameras.

You may be thinking, “Well Ari, I don’t see the issue with that.”

You’re wrong. It’s a huge issue and here’s why- Since he used three different cameras, the whole freaking movie keeps jumping aspect ratios.  Don’t know what aspect ratios are? It’s basically the width and height of the screen.

I’ll describe the scene- One second you’ll be watching a robot fight in full screen, and then one second later the whole screen noticeably compresses and you’re watching it on widescreen with two giant black bars on the top and bottom of the screen. One second later, it changes back to full screen, then back to widescreen. This goes on for the whole movie.  The screen goes from thick to thin more times than Jonah Hill does. (That’s a smart joke)

I kid you not this thing was flipping back and forth so much that I honestly thought something was broken on the movie. I thought I was going to have a seizure at one point because my eyes couldn’t adjust to the rapid screen changes. I swear at one point I was on the verge of blacking out as my head throbbed.

Add to that an endless stream of explosions and loud noises and you’re pretty much guaranteed not to make it through this thing without partial brain damage.

So, you get the point. The movie caused physical and metal damage to me. I couldn’t even write a review for this movie because the f###ing screen kept changing.  I really need to start watching better movies. Any recommendations?

Photo Credit-Michael Gibson Why do I do this to myself? Why do I continually allow my girlfriend to pick out our...
mage via Relativity Media Producer Ari here. It's now 2018 and time for another movie review. This one was a doozy...